Lust fades away in the light of love. Lust knows to undress the body. Love knows to explore the mind. Lust hurts when the bodies are separated. Love never hurts in spite of the separation. It stays in the hearts of the lovers forever and its light always enlightens the path of life.
We often get confused between love and lust when we fall in love. Simply, you cannot differentiate it at the very beginning of a relationship. The attraction for the person whom you love is common for lust and love. When you love somebody, you wish to be close to him or her. This closeness is not only physical but emotional also. You want to share your joy, pain, gain, loss and thoughts to the person to whom you want to be intimate. In the same way, you adore his or her physical presence in your body. Hence, love and lust walk together at the preliminary stage of any love relationship. [That completely a different matter, of discussion if one wants only physical pleasure from his or her partner from the beginning of the relationship.]
When the phase of attraction is over, both start to expose their crude features in the relationship. Their demands, desires, mask, possession, jealousy, hypocrisy, and so forth, whichever they have come very close to his or her partner. Now, the question of acceptance comes. If there is love, both will accept each other’s good and bad, happily. [Notice it, I used the word acceptance, not the tolerance.]. If the acceptance comes from both sides, they feel the feelings of harmony in the relationship. They, both enjoy the relationship with love and sex. Lust disappears in the very presence of love.
But, it is a rare thing to happen. Ordinary love is nothing but lust where one dominates another, treat his or her partner as a possession, looking for a better partner to fill his or her demands more and lose all the interest of the association as the time goes on.
The thing what mostly separates love from the lust is ego. Where there is love, there is no place for ego. When ego disappears, love lit up the relationship. When lust transforms into love, it knows to undress one’s mind and go deep within it.
There is a big difference between the knowledge and knowing. Knowledge is something that consumes the space of your memory whereas knowing is the assimilation of knowledge. Knowing the thing means you are applying your knowledge and insights. Knowing is wisdom that is not borrowed from outside. It comes from inside. Knowing reflects your wisdom and intelligence. Knowledge is what you hear, what you see, what you read, what you eat or what you feel. It is the assembly of experiences that you can understand by your five senses. This assembly stays in your memory as the knowledge. It has no work until you are applying it to develop your wisdom. Intelligent is the one, who can apply his or her knowledge in the present. Thus, knowing something is always the state of the present where you are applying your past to develop your wisdom.
Knowledge is the belief that you have gathered by your sensory organs. For example; Somebody told you that tomato is not a fruit. It is your knowledge. But, the sense of not applying tomato in the fruit salad is your intelligence that nobody told you before.
It doesn’t matter how much knowledge you have. The thing, which matters most that how much you apply your knowledge to know the present. Hence, knowing reflects the clarity of your thoughts. As much as you execute your knowledge you will be confident about your wisdom and capabilities. On the other hand, storing knowledge in your memory bank makes you proud as it gratifies your ego.
Knowledge is like the money. Storing it in your bank gives you the feel of proud and applying it in purpose makes you happy.
Jealousy starts from comparison and it is continuing as long as the comparison persists. The comparison is a virus that comes from the society from the days of childhood. The parents start to compare their children with others from the days of their first schooling and it continues until they find their boys or girls coming best at the standard of their society. We are the victim of comparison from our childhood. It sows the seed of jealousy from that very beginning of life. And Jealousy is like a disease that kills your beauty.It is an emotion that prevents you from accepting yourself as you are and to take others as they are. It is the fire that burns you from inside. And you cannot stop burning until you quit the habit of comparing yourself with others.
The comparison is totally baseless.Everyone is unique and incomparable. In nature, everything is beautiful because there is neither comparison nor the feeling of envy. Have you ever asked the Jasmine flower, why are you not colorful like the cosmos flower? Or to Mango tree, why are you not producing mango throughout the year like the Banana tree?
No, you definitely, don’t ask such silly questions like the idiots.Just like nature, every human is unique. Everyone has certain quality and capability. I may have the similarity with you, but I cannot be you. You are “you”, incomparable to anyone. You will bloom just like you, not like me. As much as you accept this truth you will never run to the rat race of the comparison and will be safe from the fire of jealousy.
You are comparing yourself by watching someone’s outside. You never know his inside. But you know your inside or your misery. Suppose, you are envious to see someone’s success or smiling face. You think how happy he or she is and how unhappy I am. No one knows How much pain I am carrying. From this comparison, the feeling of jealousy comes to your mind. That leads to negative thinking and tremendous hate towards somebody. And day by day, you are burnt by your self-creating fire of jealousy.
You cannot get out from your suffering until you have the feeling of envy. Stop comparing and respect your being and your uniqueness. Let you be bloom like the flowers. Then, you can appreciate other’s uniqueness. You’ll feel light and happy. Your jealousy will transform into compassion.
The journey of true happiness starts with pain. Even, a baby has to feel pain in the birth canal to come into the world and enjoy the happiness. It’s not that it is outside and you have to cross the harsh road to find that. It is within you. But, the attachment to the external object makes you dependent on the external factors like persons, money, property, food and so on. You always try to extract pleasure from those by forgetting our inner bliss.
Inner happiness is true, independent, and constant. It stays with you, from your childhood to old age. A child itself is full of happiness. So, the external pleasure or unhappiness cannot bother a child. When a child turns to young, he/she starts to get attached to the external objects, finds his/her joy in those. In this way, you forget about your inner joy and loss yourself in the worldly attachment.
You can experience the true bliss only when you accept your pain. It makes a path which goes to the inner self. the bliss is hidden in your inner self. If you escape from pain, you will miss the happiness. Pain comes as blessings. But, you always see it as a curse. Thus, you always try to escape from the pain and find pleasure outside. Pleasure depends on various external factors. When those factors are changed, it turns into sadness.
Happiness comes from pain:
The equation of true happiness is simple. First, you enjoy the pleasure as much as you can, according to your desire. If an obstacle comes, try hard to overcome it. If you cannot, accept it, rather than escaping from it. Obstacles, like grief or pain, are the light to see your inner Self.It breaks your pride that is also called ego, which acts as a shield over our “true Self” and enlightens “Self” by the process of introspection.
Sincere introspection makes you wise. This wisdom will guide you to discover the boundless happiness. That’s mean, again, you have to suffer in the pain of the birth canal. Then you could see the light of the world. That is happiness. This is your rebirth because from now, you will enjoy the worldly pleasure in a new way. Now, you don’t have to depend on other external materials for your bliss. You are full of bliss. You are complete and independent too. This bliss is so strong that, no worries, no pain, no criticism cannot make a dent to your unbound happiness.
The Sunshine comes in every morning. But, we realize the value of sunshine after a dark and stormy night. Similarly, one can only experience unlimited happiness after suffering in pain deeply.
Ecstasy is the feeling of excitement where you are overwhelmed by the ocean of happiness. If you achieve it by meditation it likes a state of self-transcendence. This is the joy of meditation. But, if you accomplish it by some street-side drug like MDMA it is an experience of great pleasantness. Pleasantness is common between these two ways of experiencing ecstasy. But, the difference is the effect of the second one will be gone as the action of the drug over. The shadow of deep agony will cover you again as it was before. Whereas the first one gives you bliss after experiencing it. This is the reason people feel well and pleased after a successful meditation. It keeps well your mind and soul both.
But, the drug induced ecstasy is poisoning you, slowly. It cannot liberate you from your suffering. It cannot show you the path of bliss. It’s because it comes from outside. The things, which come from outside is always momentary. Those don’t have any long-term effect. That’s why those are easy to get in life.
Ecstasy is not the thing that comes from outside. It is innate and natural. It is within you. You don’t need to effort to be ecstatic. You cannot find that because you choose misery. It’s a hard work to stay in misery and it needs great effort to be miserable. It likes that going against the stream of the river. Life is like the river if you flow with it, you can naturally get what you have. You don’t need to take those drugs or the external stimulant to reach that level of joy. Accepting the life as it comes to your way is the secret of flowing with the downstream of life.
When you flow with your life, you feel everything is good and pleasant. Even you will find your mistakes, your grief, your joy everything makes your life beautiful. This is the feeling of bliss. Bliss always helps you to be mindful. The mindfulness leads to ecstasy.
When you will find that ecstasy it will be your addiction. So, the choice is yours whether you achieve it by meditation or by those street-side drugs.
This post is the part of Blogging From A to Z Challange of April 2017 on Letter- E . My theme for this Challange is Exploring The Beauty Of Living
Love is in the air. We all are in the mood for celebrating Valentine’s Day. The day of love. But, do we know really why we celebrate Valentine’s day? Many lovers often say that they don’t need to celebrate their love on a particular day and they love each other on each day of a year. Yes, they are absolutely true. But appreciating your love or rejuvenating your long-term relationship on the Valentine’s Day by telling your lover how much you love him/her or gifting a card or any memento has a different value which you cannot understand if you don’t know about Saint Valentine. He was sentenced to death on 14th of February of 274 A.D. The day is celebrated as Valentine’s Day in every year.
The story of Saint Valentine:
Many of us know the story of Saint Valentine. In spite of that, I’m telling it here, in short, to explain the love actually.
Saint Valentine is one of the martyred of Middle age who sacrificed his life for the sake of love. He was the Roman priest of the third century.
That time, the Roman Emperor Claudius II banned the marriage of young men. As he thought that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families or the wedded men who are not to be a warrior-class soldier.
Saint Valentine realized the injustice of king and felt the pain of young soldiers who are not allowed to love.
He began to perform the marriages of the young couples in Rome, secretly. That was a revolutionary step of middle ages.
Since, that time, people believed in courtly love, which is publicly announced and arranged by parents in order to increase the status and wealth of the family. These were all for political and financial gain and not related to the feelings of the bride and groom.
Saint Valentine first established the tradition ofRomantic love or Passionate Love which based upon the feelings of love for each other by defying the Roman King.
When his action was discovered, he was imprisoned.
During his imprisonment, he fell in love with a blind young girl. Incidentally, she was the daughter of his jailer. She bought meals for him and talked at length about machismo, imperialism, Jurisdictions and the injustice of the Holy Roman Empire. During his confinement, he wrote her a letter by signing- “From Your Valentine”.
For this letter and his attempt to help to Christians escape from the harsh Roman prison where they were often beaten and tortured, he was executed.
This sympathetic, heroic, and great romantic saint was beaten with sticks and then decapitated. It was heard that the night before his death, he reached through the bars of his cell and touched the eyelids of the blind girl. A vision came to her eyes.
Valentine cannot die. He exists in every lover’s heart. His sacrifice conveyed the messages on love which define the love actually. These are like that.
Get over your fear. Acknowledge your love by crossing all the barriers.
Gain enough courage to accomplish your love. “Everything is fair in love and war”.
Any prison can’t confine the love. Love is free. It’s not restricted to two people only (commitment should be restricted). A lover finds love in everything of life and nature also.
Love is irrelevant to ages. Love can come at any age and at anytime. Just keep your loving heart alive.
Love is not only for your girl or boy. Spread the love in every relation, every work and everywhere.
Love makes your heart sensitive and empathic to feel the joy and the pain of others heart.
Love is giving everything of yours, even your life by taking nothing.
True love opens the eyes. A true vision of life comes only then. You could understand what the love is actually.
Why we Celebrate Valentine’s Day:
Though it is a death day of Saint Valentine, we celebrate this day to express our love by greeting each other because Saint Valentine wrote the words of love by flowing his blood in a Roman prison. His sacrifice will be acknowledged by us only when we express our love by greeting our beloved as “You are my valentine “or “From your Valentine”. Then this Romantic, Loving Hero Saint Valentine will alive again with the love of lovers.
Messages for all loving hearts:
“Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.”– Oscar wild.
Lovers, pack up your all problems and misunderstandings with your partners before this Valentine’s Day and get flooded with love. Celebrate the day as a new start.
Don’t ever think that “I am single. I’ve no Valentine’s Day.” If you have a lover’s heart just love your near and dear one. He/she may be your friend, your parents’, your siblings or anybody with whom you have a bonding of love. Celebrate the day with him/her and awake the Valentine of your heart.
Lovers who have recently lost your love, don’t spend the day with your broken heart and faded memories. If you think you are alone and you have no one to whom you can spend the day, just go for your passion or do the work that you love to do.
If you think you are not in the age of celebrating Valentine’s Day and the day is for young’s only. You are wrong. Age is only a number. This day is for the young hearts. You can make your heart young up to the end of your life only by expressing your love. So, celebrate this day with your age old partner or your dear ones or by doing your loving work.
Valentine exists in your heart. Just keep your loving heart alive by expressing your love and open all the doors of your heart. Who knows, when and where your love will come to embrace you.
Most Indians think love becomes successful by marriage or love fails when it does not attain to the marriage. It’s because Indian culture values marriage not love. But, the harsh dilemma is the Indians worship the deities of Radha and Krishna together who are not a married duo. The Indians worship their divine love by placing the deities together. But, according to the mythology, their love didn’t fulfill the criteria of so-called marriage.
Now, the question is why the Indians think marriage is the success of love?
The great philosopher, Osho, said: “Marriage is the bondage of earth and love is the freedom of the sky.”
Marriage and love are two different things. Love is a relationship between two, with hope, dream, freedom, passion, hatred, jealousy, anger, fun, sorrow and laughter. Whereas, according to the Indian custom, marriage is the association of two and more people (the family of the bride and groom), who are actively involved with them.
In most of the cases, love loses its identity through marriage. It’s because the slavery of matrimony confines the freedom of love. The demands and expectations of the family sometimes ruined the special bond between the two.
Hence, if we go to find the answer that the success of love is marriage or not, we need to see the basic difference between marriage and love.
It always denotes the manifestation of freedom. It’s a place where the two individuals enjoy the bonding between them. It’s because this bonding is built up by the spontaneous flow of passion, trust, joy and sorrow. This bonding creates the space where they can release their stress of life and share their happiness together. Day by day, the bonding becomes the source of the vitality of their spirit. So, the couple never feels that they are imprisoned in that relationship as long as they feel for each other. Hence, the warmth of love always melts the iron-gate of the prison. And the duo enjoys the harmony of the relationship with joy, fun, sorrow, fight, possessiveness and every type of emotions. It’s because they accept each other from their heart.
According to the Indian custom, marriage is the bonding between two families rather than the bonding between the bride and the groom. Moreover, the bride has to leave her house and family to stay with the groom and his family. Hence, she has to adapt herself to the new surroundings and new people. That’s the matter of stress to any woman. And, in this stress, hardly she finds her hubby as a buff or a friend beside her in this period of struggle or tension. The adjustment with the groom’s family is completely a social adjustment. On that point, there is no spontaneous flow of emotions in those relationships. When somebody does something against his or her spirit, it invariably becomes a kind of encumbrance to him or her.
Moreover, marriage is not only the permission of staying together socially and get the children to maintain the genetic endowment. It is a huge responsibility and obligations to each other. This is the compromise that the individuals have done to secure about the tomorrows, to be certain about the future and to have an assurance that the man who loves her is going to love her forever (and vice-versa).
The burden of security, the insistence of maintaining commitment or the guarantee, all encage the freedom of love. Day by day, the love transforms into duties, stress, regret, burden and habits. The love loses its identity in marriage and love ends in marriage.
Love and Marriage:
If the passion doesn’t end in marriage, it will remain in the lover’s heart for always. The Sufi poet and philosopher, Rumi said a great line about the lovers, “Loversdon’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.” So, the love is alive as long as the lovers live the life. And the love never needs any promise or warrant to insure the future. It is alive in the lovers’ heart as the fuel of aliveness.
Marriage is the social responsibility. It hardly demands love. It only calls for security, responsibilities towards the family and the birth and rearing of the succeeding generations.
If we see the love stories of the great and famous lovers from the world’s history, like Romeo-Juliet, Layla-Majnu, Lancelot and Guinevere, Antony-Cleopatra, Paolo and Francesca and the Hindu deities Radha and Krishna, we find that all are tragic. There is no so-called happy ending like marriage. But, the lovers are immortal and their love stories are eternal. People still remember them for their everlasting love. Is it not the success of love? Think ones, if their love would have been ended in marriage, do people remember them like this way?
True love is always unending. Love never demands illusory securities or any guarantee of future because it is the freedom of the sky. It ends in the prison of marriage. Hence, marriage is not the success of love.
“The ultimate state of love is freedom, absolute freedom, and any relationship that destroys freedom is not worthwhile. Love is a sacred art. To be in love is to be in a holy relationship”~ Osho
8 Things Secretly Maintain the Harmony of a Relationship
A relationship comes into our life as a first baby of a couple, with lots of joy, hope, and dreams. And it goes like a broken dream of dawn with a pinch of sadness and a faint light of hope with a small question mark. But, how long it stays, it should play a beautiful melody in our lives. That means; when a relationship gives us comfort and shelter in life and makes us cool or cheerful even in the time of huge stress is a melodious relationship. It will play melody only when a harmony is maintained between the two involved in it.
A love affair comes and goes on its own way. One cannot hold it alone by his/ her own efforts. What we can hold is love for the person to whom we were attached. Not even, a hate as well.
So, what can we do to make it beautiful, peaceful and melodious, to maintain harmony in an affair? There are eight things that secretly maintain this harmony. If we know those well, we can consciously control those to make a harmonious union.
8 things that secretly maintained the harmony of a Relationship:
A relationship ends, when the people, involved in it, start to count their giving and taking. We forget that we came into this world with empty hands. We can give only to the extent that we have gained from here. Otherwise, we have nothing to give to anyone. Just see the nature. Harmony is maintained everywhere in nature. Like, a relationship between flora and soil. The plant receives nutrient and water from soil and soil produces those by collecting the raw materials from the decomposed leaves, flower and fruits. In summer, when there is a scarcity of water in nature, a plant can’t grow well and become unable to supply the raw materials to the soil for making the manures. On the other hand, Soil is also dependent on the plant as the plant prevents soil erosion. In this way, a mutual dependency is maintained within each other. One thing I also want to clear that taking and receiving are completely different things. Taking is more related to the opportunity, whereas, receiving relates to acceptance. So, just concentrate on your giving. Your giving is your receiving.
If you truly care for someone, you can understand his/her some unsaid words like some small wishes, some little dreams, likes, and dislikes. When you start to value them, you will be valuable from him/ her. It’s human nature that we always prefer to stay with someone who thinks that we are valuable and important. In short, everyone wants importance. So, as long as, this ‘valuable’ feeling stays between each other, the association grows in a harmonic motion.
Trust is the basic thing of every relationship. Maintaining this is hard, but without this, no relationship can exist. we can maintain it by talking about your worries and doubts, clearly with our partner in a very healthy way. A couple should try to be faithful to each other. Both should becareful about their small liesbecause sometimes a small lie can bring a big heartache.
An urge of solving the problems:
Anger, loose talks, misunderstandings, not understandings, clashing of views, stubbornness, conflicts, blaming each other etc. are common problems in every relationship. Those happen and those are solved by the urge of the couple to solve the problems between them. These are the important parts of maintaining harmony. A melody would be great when it is composed of up and down notes, but it feels boring when it plays in a monotonic motion. The melody of a relationship will stay harmonious as long as there will be an urge of solving these problems and being close to each other again.
Ignorance is the worst punishment of any association. It also acts as a signal of breaking the harmony. You can ignore some of the activities of your partner that you don’t like. But, ignoring the person completely is the sign of ‘breaking’. It says, “your role is over, you may go now”. So, maintaining a respect for each other is very essential.No one can be perfect. But, everybody has some good and bad qualities. we should try to find out the good ones by our impartial views for each other and respect those qualities.
There is no place of ego in a relationship. There is nothing wrong in bowing down to a person you love. Ego acts as a killer of a kinship. Einstein said, “More the knowledge lesser the ego, lesser the knowledge more the ego.” It not only breaks the harmony, it ruins the union, completely, as well. So, keep your ego away from your relationship and maintain the harmony. Where there is love, there is no place for ego.
Support and Empathy:
These two are very much linked with each other. Basically, we are all alone. We always find some support from our relationship. Support means not a blind encouragement. Support means when someone falls, holding him/her tightly. Support means inspiring. Support means giving shelter in a rainy season. Harmony is running after the support. Support comes from empathy for each other.
Either love creates a relationship or a relationship creates love. The association will be melodious when it is bound with love. The word ‘unconditional’ means there is no counting for giving, taking, caring, helping and loving. This ‘unconditional love‘ makes the relationship easier. That’s mean, you cannot think before doing anything for your partner or the other person in the relationship. Even, it makes you feel happy for giving and receiving too.
A relationship is expired when it loses its harmony. If we try to continue the relationship after the expiry date, it will not move. If we look at nature around us. We will see the disasters, hurdles, misdeeds come into nature, again and again, in spite of that, it follows a rhythm to maintain its harmony everywhere. These 8 things are like a rhythm that maintain the natural harmony in every relationship in spite of all the disasters hurdles and misdeeds. So, if we try to follow this rhythm we can maintain the harmony in the relationships.
The only constant thing in life is change. We cannot sustain in this world by escaping from the change. Therefore, accepting the change is the best way of living. The one, who learns how to survive within the constantly changing world, is the fittest for this world. So, I think the best learning of life is accepting the changes in our animation.
During birth, when a baby comes out from her mother’s womb, she starts crying. Her first cry helps her to inhale excessive air that clears her lungs. Then, she starts breathing. This is very much symbolical to our life. When we face any changes, we cannot accept it at first. Even, we rebel against that change. After that, when we see there is no way to escape, we start to learn how to accept the change. The first cry is our rebellion against the first change of our lives. But, when we realize that we cannot go back to the womb, we start to learn how to survive within this new environment.
Life is all about learning, from the first day of life to the last day. The more we learn, the more we grow. Our maturity depends on our learning. The habit of learning develops our insight. Learning is not limited to the textbooks or the teaching of our school’s teachers. Real learning begins beyond our comfort zone. If we go to learn a new language, we have to come out from the comfort of our mother tongue and practice the new language. If we want to learn new technology, we have to leave the habit of using old technology. One can only change his or her habits when (s)he wants to learn things or grow more.
How I have learned to accept the changes:
Accepting the change is the most difficult thing of life. Only the habit of learning can get over it. I can remember the days of my life when I moved from my hometown to a new city of a different state. India is the country of cultural diversities. Every state is diversified with a different culture, weather and food habits. That time, I was habituated of living with my parents. I moved into the South India from the eastern zone of India, alone, to pursue my career. I couldn’t accept this huge change of my life that is living without parents in a different state. After coming home from the office, I spend my every evening by crying and crying. I couldn’t accept the food habits, the culture, language and the weather of this new state. I decided to resign the job and go back home. But, my Dad forced me, continuously, to do the job as it was a great opportunity for my career. That time, I felt bad for my Dad and became ready to do the job. When I was open to accepting the changes, I started to learn from the new environment. This receptiveness helped me to adapt to the new food habit, new weather, and new culture. When my South Indian friends cooked for me with full of affection, I loved those foods. The girl, who never went kitchen at her home, learned to cook from her new friends and became habituated with the hot and sour foods of South India. Slowly, I learned to speak in their language, to protect me from the sunny weather of hot summer and to enjoy their culture. It’s been six years, I’m living here. Now, I can easily claim this city as my own. The city, which I hate once become my love now. It’s all because of learning.
The habit of learning cannot change our environment or situation. But, it can make us adaptable to any situation. It cannot vanish our pain. But, the insights, we get from the pain, help us to move on with a positive outlook. It cannot rectify the mistakes we have done in the past. But, the lessons from the mistakes make us visionary. The habit of learning is always joyful. If we have this habit, we can always enjoy every moment of life. Thus, Robin Sharma said- “There’s a cure for aging that no one talks about it. It is called learning.”
I think life will not be same tomorrow as it is today. Changes can happen at any day or at any moment. We cannot control those. But, the thing we can do is to accept the changes in our lives as fast as possible.This is the best lesson that life has taught me so far.
It doesn’t matter how many paths we have to cross to reach our destination. The thing only matters is our journey. Is the journey enough to learn the lessons of the institution of life or not? The sweet memories stay forever with us even after reaching our destination. The bitter ones always remain as the insights of life. So, only memories remain. This week, the theme of WordPress-Weekly photo Challange is Path. Here, is my entry for this challenge.
Walking the path with a like minded people is definitely a walk to remember. The person, whom we meet today, can not be present at our last day. But, the paths, we have crossed with the special persons, definitely remains as the sweet memories of our lives.
We don’t remember the paths we have crossed. We only hold the memories of our journey. Memories are just like the falling leaves that loosely attached in our brain and fall on the ground of mind when the wind of change comes in our present. Hence, we are crossing a path after path, only memories remain with us.
The new year is coming. Let start a new beginning with the hope of brand new stories of our journey by keeping the past memories as the insights for the new beginning. Wishing you all a new beginning with the exciting and sparkling paths of the new year.